As I sit here with tears in my eyes for a man who should have been my enemy, I have a story to tell. Four years ago I me the most amazing woman who would become my wife, Phyllis. At the time, she was just coming off of a divorce and I met her ex-husband, Jeff Moon, a short time later. Our relationship could have been a hard one and we could have become enemies, but we did not. He and Phyllis have 3 amazing kids and they were both wonderful parents despite the fact that their marriage had not worked out. As Phyllis and I dated and fell in love, I fell in love with the kids too. They became and are my kids. In the course of my developing relationship with Phyllis and the kids, I also had a great deal of contact with their dad, Jeff! Dropping off and picking up the kids, school plays and programs, and all the ordinary things you do when you are in a relationship! Jeff and I weren’t close, but we were always polite. I even helped him move some furniture when he moved in to his new house. As an ex-husband, Jeff never made me feel unwelcome, never talked me down to the kids even when they would slip and call him Terry by mistake. Jeff was an AMAZING father and always took care of all of his responsibilities to the kids, but more importantly, he also showed his love for the kids! Some of the hardest moments for me were when we picked the kids up after a weekend at their dad’s. He would stand in the yard and wave goodbye with tears in his eyes before he turned quickly and went in the house. It broke my heart because I could feel his pain! To see his kids leave with another man in his place had to be excruciating! He could have hated me for it, but he never did! On the day I proposed to Phyllis, I needed help getting the kids so they could be there for the occasion. Jeff dropped them off with my parents on a day when he was supposed to have them. I never told him I was going to propose, but I could tell that he read it in my eyes and knew what was going to happen. He could have done something to cause problems, or at the very least refused to bring the kids. He didn’t! When Phyllis and I got married, I sent him a letter promising to never replace him in the kid’s eyes and to never undercut him as a father! I promised to always take care of the kids as if they were my own! I offered my friendship and though in our situation it could have been awkward, we settled into life as co-parents!
About one year ago, I was sitting with one of our best friends, April Coomer, while we were camping. Now, I don’t make many close friends, but April and I both share a love for kids and work with kids so we became fast friends. She mentioned that she had met Jeff and really liked him and I said why not ask him out. She is a bit old fashioned and was also terrified, but I gave her a nudge. We were hiking the next day and reached the top of the mountain where we could get phone signal. When April dropped her bag and ran up the fire tower, I thought she had lost her mind! She whipped out her cell phone and I thought she was taking pictures of the amazing scenery, but she was calling Jeff! He said YES! That was the beginning of their relationship. I joked with her that I intended to be the best man at their wedding! Now wouldn’t that blow people’s minds! Maybe even Phyllis as the matron of honor?? They began doing things with the kids, she has 2 of her own, and with each other! Our best friend dating Phyllis’ ex-husband might seem a little odd, but it worked perfectly. When we needed time alone, they had the kids and when they needed time, we had them. Several times, we all celebrated things together and it really felt like one big extended family! April and Jeff were on the same road Phyllis and I had been down and when I saw him now, the tears were gone and replaced with smiles. He was finding a new life and we were happy for all of them!
Today, Jeff died! He was 51 years old!
He woke up early as always, and after showering, felt pain and said he thought he was having a heart attack. April gave him aspirin and called an ambulance and they rushed him to the hospital. Twenty people fought hard to bring him back, but it wasn’t meant to be! He passed away at 6:46am today. Sometimes, there are no answers, no reasons, just pain. April, Phyllis and the kids all fell apart, and how can you blame them. For 25 years, Jeff was Phyllis’ world, April had reveled in the joy for the last year and was looking forward to a hopeful future! The kids lost a rock in their lives and April’s kids lost a man that could have become a father to them and that they already loved! I loved Jeff! I know that sounds odd in this world filled with anger and hate, but I loved him for the father that he was to the kids, the joy he brought to my friend April, the shared space of fatherhood he offered me…I loved him for the great man he was! At the end of a marriage, hate can consume everyone, but he didn’t let that happen! He felt the pain, the loss and even the failure that we all feel when a marriage falls apart, but he didn’t go down the path that he could have! I remember Phyllis’ and my first Christmas together with the kids! I have always cooked a big breakfast on Christmas morning and we invited Jeff to come over and share it with us and the kids! You could tell he was very uncomfortable being in our home with his kids, but he held in the pain and shared the joy of just being able to see his kids on Christmas Day! I am so glad they spent this last Christmas at his new house and we were the ones who shared his house and his love with us! I will cherish this memory as I know the kids will!
I end with this…life is too short for anger and hate! Today may be the last and you never know when your time is up. Cherish those around you and let go of the hate. If you are in a situation where you have a choice between 2 paths, think of Jeff Moon and try to go down the path of love, respect and kindness! You always have a choice! You can’t always choose the situations life puts you in, but you can choose how you react! I now have to take on a role I never wanted and that is to fill the shoes of an amazing father to our 3 kids. I always intended to be the backup when needed, but now I don’t have that safety net! I will still never try to replace him, but I will try to be the best father to our kids that I can! I will keep him alive and their hearts and show the boys how to be a father to their kids. I will stand in for him on all those occasions when Abby needs him! I had one last vision of Jeff and I standing on both sides of Abby and giving her away at her wedding! When that day comes, and I am standing there, I hope and pray I look over and see Jeff’s spirit standing there with a smile on his face and a tear in his eye…..He will be So missed, but he has left his mark on our world and that will never dim! With love, I say good journey and peace in Heaven to a wonderful man! May God grant me the strength to help all of those he left behind try to understand something that cannot be understood!
