Today, Elisha and I suffered a great loss of pig sized proportions! Last night, our final night at the campground, I had 3 pounds of leftover bacon that needed to be cooked because we had actually stopped for breakfast a couple of days while we were exploring! I decided to cook it all and save part for sandwiches on our canoe/kayak trip today! We ate about a pound of the precious pig and then I triple wrapped the rest of the pork product in foil! I laid it in my large ice chest on top of the eggs and butter and placed ice delicately on top. We could look forward to some wonderful Bacon on the river.
After packing up today and putting my large ice chest in the back of the truck and heading out, we reached our canoe/kayak location. After getting our boats ready, which we had to rent this time because I couldn’t haul them with everything else, I found the most amazing product in the shop at the canoe place…an Icemule! It is a dry-bag ice chest and I have never seen one! Phyllis has been asking what I wanted for Father’s Day and this was it, so I bought it and sent her the receipt so she would know what a great shopper she is! I was very excited to have a water tight ice chest that floats and does everything I could want on the river.
After buying my Icemule, I went back to the car to repack for the trip. I must admit, my excitement over the new Icemule got the better of me. I moved ice to the Icemule. I moved our drinks, and here is where I made the fatal mistake…I grabbed the ham out of the small ice chest in the backseat and forgot all about the bacon left in the rear of the truck! Now, don’t get me wrong!!! Ham is a wonderful pig product in and of itself, but when compared to bacon, well unlike the old fast food commercial, parts just ain’t parts! Bacon is a pig part that stands alone! But, I put the ham in the bag, added more ice and headed for the boats!
After several miles on the river and a lot of swimming and playing, we were VERY hungry. I opened my Icemule and I must admit it kind of soured our trip when I pulled out the ham and realized I forgot the REAL pork product! Elisha was crushed, but I brightened his mood by saying we could grab a fresh loaf of bread on the way to our hotel and have bacon sandwiches for dinner! We managed to choke down our ham sandwiches, Elishia actual downed 2 through the tears of bacon withdrawal! We loaded back up and finished our trip with the knowledge that we would feast on wonderful bacon soon enough!
After returning to the canoe/kayak base, we loaded up in the truck and headed to our hotel an hour away! We talked about our bacon dinner on the way home and I stopped at Dollar General to get that fresh loaf of bread! As we pulled into the parking lot, our mouths were watering for our bacon sandwiches! (Yes, I realize we may have an unhealthy obsession with Bacon, but I’m okay with that!) Then, tragedy struck!
I went to the back of the truck and opened my large ice chest! My eyes were met with the most horrible images and the tragic demise of a precious pork product! I had not realized I had parked with the rear of my truck in the sunshine the whole day! It had to be a horrible way to go! The ice on the bottom had slowly melted and the triple-wrapped-in- foil-bacon had slowly slid into the resulting water! It put up a good fight, but the insidious water must have begun to creep in almost immediately!
As the day wore on, more ice melted and the eggs must have tried to rescue the bacon, but they too slipped under the water to suffer the fatal fate of the bacon! The butter followed, but must have forgotten how slippery it was and must have slid to an untimely and greasy death! It was a full-on BREAKFAST MASSACRE!
As I look down at the frightful scene, bacon, eggs and butter floating, pork side down, in the melted ice water, my heart broke and tears came to my eyes! How would I tell Elisha? Then I had HOPE! The bacon was TRIPLE wrapped! It could have survived the on rush of water and might still be tasty! I peeled back the first layer and water spilled out! HOPE! I peeled back the second layer, more water spilled out! LOOSING HOPE! I peeled back the last layer…NO HOPE! What greeted me was soggy, whitened and totally inedible precious pork product! The PIG was DEAD! Again! It broke my heart as I dropped the beautiful pig product into a nearby garbage can! I just could not handle a proper burial! I walked to the room to tell Elisha! As I hugged him to console him for our loss, I noticed the key card for our hotel room in my hand! That’s when the pig gods intervened as I noticed the ad for a glorious Pizza Hut Pig Product on the card! We immediately brightened up and ordered 2 amazing pig product pizzas! Elisha had bacon and pineapple, an abomination to pig products in my opinion, but he wanted to eat it in honor of our lost bacon! I just couldn’t do it! I opted for pepperoni and sausage, 2 more amazing pig products! (At least I hope that is at least part of what’s in pepperoni!)
As we ate our pizza, I contemplated the tragic loss of our precious pig product! I learned a valuable lesson today! Never leave your bacon in the car unattended on a hot day! Always carry it with you or better yet eat it immediately! Unless, maybe if it is raw! Then maybe the heat would cook it and it would smell amazing when you returned to the car! If it started out raw, imagine the smell in the car after it slowly cooked all day like a wonderful rack of ribs! AHH, ribs!! AHHH!! Bacon!!! I think I might need to go to PA for my addiction to pig Products!
Pigs Anonymous-“Hi! My name is Terry and I am a pig Product addict…” What??? No, NO!!!!! That would be like Homer Simpson giving up donuts! It just isn’t right with the world! Ahhh! PIG!!! Yum!!!!
WARNING!!! Vegetarians should not read this!!! OH, WAIT…I guess I should have put that at the top of the page!!! Ooooops!!!
